FUNNY ANIMAL JOKES
Funny jokes about animals - Three farmers
Three farmers chat. The first one tells:
- I have grown such a big apple that when I put it on a chair, it broke down.
The other one:
-I grown an even bigger apple - when I put it on a table, it broke.
The rest one says:
-I grown an extremely big apple. I put it in a carriage.
The two farmers interrupt:
-Di it break????
-No, a worm got out of it and ate the horse!
Funny jokes about animals - Pigeon
A kid tells his mom:
- Mummy, look - a pigeon!!! Do you have any bread?
- Eat it without bread!
Three farmers chat. The first one tells:
- I have grown such a big apple that when I put it on a chair, it broke down.
The other one:
-I grown an even bigger apple - when I put it on a table, it broke.
The rest one says:
-I grown an extremely big apple. I put it in a carriage.
The two farmers interrupt:
-Di it break????
-No, a worm got out of it and ate the horse!
Funny jokes about animals - Pigeon
A kid tells his mom:
- Mummy, look - a pigeon!!! Do you have any bread?
- Eat it without bread!
Funny jokes about animals - Dragon
Once a dragon returned home. It was a deep night already, thus his wife asked him:
- blow me.
What a silly idea...
Funny jokes about animals - Caution
The guests come for a visit. On the fence they find a warning: Beware of dog. The guests look around but see no dog, they carefully came into the yard and ask the hostess:
- Excuse me, but where is that dog?
- Here it is, lying in the grass, be careful not to step on it!
Animal jokes - Cock
A cock comes into a chicken roost with the eggs of an ostrich in his hands:
- I don’t want to be too bitchy, but look what our competitors are making…
Funny jokes about animals - cat
A man brings his cat to a veterinarian. He lives the cat there and returns in two days, as preagreed. He asks the veterinarian:
- Is my cat still alive?
- Still not...
Funny animal jokes - Crossing the animals
Question: What do you get when you cross a shark and a parrot?
Answer: a creature that talks your ear off.
Thanks Susan Pugh for this joke!
Once a dragon returned home. It was a deep night already, thus his wife asked him:
- blow me.
What a silly idea...
Funny jokes about animals - Caution
The guests come for a visit. On the fence they find a warning: Beware of dog. The guests look around but see no dog, they carefully came into the yard and ask the hostess:
- Excuse me, but where is that dog?
- Here it is, lying in the grass, be careful not to step on it!
Animal jokes - Cock
A cock comes into a chicken roost with the eggs of an ostrich in his hands:
- I don’t want to be too bitchy, but look what our competitors are making…
Funny jokes about animals - cat
A man brings his cat to a veterinarian. He lives the cat there and returns in two days, as preagreed. He asks the veterinarian:
- Is my cat still alive?
- Still not...
Funny animal jokes - Crossing the animals
Question: What do you get when you cross a shark and a parrot?
Answer: a creature that talks your ear off.
Thanks Susan Pugh for this joke!
Funny animal jokes - Sad chicken
Why does the chicken is sad?
- Because his dad is a cock.
Why does the chicken is even more sad?
- Because he faces the same future.
Funny animal jokes - Ostriches
There are two types of ostriches - Grey and Blue. Grey ones scared hide their head in the sand. The Blue ones sit in the bushes waiting for this moment.
Funny animal jokes - Eating habits
Bears do not eat bears.
Tigers do not eat tigers.
Dogs do not eat dogs.
Cats stopped eating kebabs.
Funny animal jokes - Crocodile
A crocodile has 2 eyes and 80 teeth.
QUestion:
- What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth?
Answer:
- A full bus of old men.
Why does the chicken is sad?
- Because his dad is a cock.
Why does the chicken is even more sad?
- Because he faces the same future.
Funny animal jokes - Ostriches
There are two types of ostriches - Grey and Blue. Grey ones scared hide their head in the sand. The Blue ones sit in the bushes waiting for this moment.
Funny animal jokes - Eating habits
Bears do not eat bears.
Tigers do not eat tigers.
Dogs do not eat dogs.
Cats stopped eating kebabs.
Funny animal jokes - Crocodile
A crocodile has 2 eyes and 80 teeth.
QUestion:
- What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth?
Answer:
- A full bus of old men.
Funny animal jokes - Rabbit and wolf
A wolf and a rabbit are traveling by train. The rabbit is lying on the bed below, and the wolf - on the one above. Suddenly goes a big bang!!! Rabbit asks:
- What has fallen down?
- My shirt, - replies wolf
- Why so loud than?
- I did not take them off.
Funny animal jokes - A doctor and a crocodile
A Zoo worker stands in front of a cave of a crocodile. The jaw of the crocodile is widely open. A visitor comes up to a worker and asks:
- What has happened to the crocodile?
- I don’t know yet. The doctor went there an hour ago and has not returned yet.
Funny animal jokes - Crocodiles
A man walks on a street clapping his hands. Another one asks:
- what are you doing?
- I’m scaring away crocodiles
- But there are no crocodiles here!
- Yes, because I scared them away
A wolf and a rabbit are traveling by train. The rabbit is lying on the bed below, and the wolf - on the one above. Suddenly goes a big bang!!! Rabbit asks:
- What has fallen down?
- My shirt, - replies wolf
- Why so loud than?
- I did not take them off.
Funny animal jokes - A doctor and a crocodile
A Zoo worker stands in front of a cave of a crocodile. The jaw of the crocodile is widely open. A visitor comes up to a worker and asks:
- What has happened to the crocodile?
- I don’t know yet. The doctor went there an hour ago and has not returned yet.
Funny animal jokes - Crocodiles
A man walks on a street clapping his hands. Another one asks:
- what are you doing?
- I’m scaring away crocodiles
- But there are no crocodiles here!
- Yes, because I scared them away
Funny animal jokes - A bathe
A man fishes and thoroughly watched the float. A crocodile swims beside. He notices the fisherman, watches at him, than at float, back at him. At last the crocodile asks:
- So what, no success?
- Nope.
- Let's have a bathe then, ah?
Funny animal jokes - Who started first
- Do something with your dog - yesterday he was howling so much, that my daughter had to stop her singing lesson.
- Excuse me, but your daughter started this first.
Funny animal jokes - A ring
How did the rabbit propose to his girlfriend? With a 14 carrot ring!
Funny animal jokes - A chicken
- John, look at this sad chicken, maybe we should boild her?
- ok, if you think it will cheer her up.
Funny animal jokes - Time
If a fly and a flee pass each other what time is it?
Fly past flee!
A man fishes and thoroughly watched the float. A crocodile swims beside. He notices the fisherman, watches at him, than at float, back at him. At last the crocodile asks:
- So what, no success?
- Nope.
- Let's have a bathe then, ah?
Funny animal jokes - Who started first
- Do something with your dog - yesterday he was howling so much, that my daughter had to stop her singing lesson.
- Excuse me, but your daughter started this first.
Funny animal jokes - A ring
How did the rabbit propose to his girlfriend? With a 14 carrot ring!
Funny animal jokes - A chicken
- John, look at this sad chicken, maybe we should boild her?
- ok, if you think it will cheer her up.
Funny animal jokes - Time
If a fly and a flee pass each other what time is it?
Fly past flee!
So this lion was f**king a zebra. All of a sudden he says:
- Oh, shit! There's my wife! Act like I'm killing you!
Vegetarians, you aren't eating meat to save the animals. You're eating their food so they starve.
Thanks to Harriet
A man bought a box of eggs and discovered that there was nothing inside the eggs, just shells. He went to the shop where he bought the eggs and broke all the eggs and all were found empty. Then they went together with the seller to the poultry to complain.
Some chickens came out and started laughing:
- See these fools, they don't know that we too have started using condoms.
Thanks to Richmond Ametri
A little boy is riding his brand new bike on a Christmas day. A police officer on a horse comes over and asks:
- Who got you that bike little boy?'
The little boy replies:
- Santa did Mr. Officer.
The policeman hands the little boy a £80 fine and says:
- Next year tell Santa to put lights on it!
The little boy looks at the officers horse and says:
- Who got you that horse?
The officer replies: Santa Claus did.
The little boy smiles and replies:
- Well next year tell Santa to put the cock on the bottom and not on the top!!'
Thanks to Dom Butler
Why don't cows have money?
Because people milk them dry.
Thanks to Susan Pugh
- Oh, shit! There's my wife! Act like I'm killing you!
Vegetarians, you aren't eating meat to save the animals. You're eating their food so they starve.
Thanks to Harriet
A man bought a box of eggs and discovered that there was nothing inside the eggs, just shells. He went to the shop where he bought the eggs and broke all the eggs and all were found empty. Then they went together with the seller to the poultry to complain.
Some chickens came out and started laughing:
- See these fools, they don't know that we too have started using condoms.
Thanks to Richmond Ametri
A little boy is riding his brand new bike on a Christmas day. A police officer on a horse comes over and asks:
- Who got you that bike little boy?'
The little boy replies:
- Santa did Mr. Officer.
The policeman hands the little boy a £80 fine and says:
- Next year tell Santa to put lights on it!
The little boy looks at the officers horse and says:
- Who got you that horse?
The officer replies: Santa Claus did.
The little boy smiles and replies:
- Well next year tell Santa to put the cock on the bottom and not on the top!!'
Thanks to Dom Butler
Why don't cows have money?
Because people milk them dry.
Thanks to Susan Pugh
