CHRISTMAS JOKES
Here are some great short jokes for your Christmas celebration. Feel free to share any of them or simply make a joke during your Christmas parties.
Dear Santa, I can explain…
The Three Kings come to visit the newborn Jesus. One of them was extremely high thus hit the door case with this head when entering the room and shouted: Jesus Christ. Then Joseph turned to Maria and said: „Write this down, Maria. It sounds better than Clyde“.
What does Mrs. Claus ask Santa on 26th of December? Why the hell did you go to your old girlfriend’s house last night?
What is the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at 3 ho's!
Do you know what the difference between regular lights and Christmas lights is? When one of the latter goes out, all the rest go out as well.
What does an internet geek ask for Christmas? TOP100 Alexa ranking, higher revenue from Google AdSense and 100 comments a day on every Facebook post.
The Three Kings come to visit the newborn Jesus. One of them was extremely high thus hit the door case with this head when entering the room and shouted: Jesus Christ. Then Joseph turned to Maria and said: „Write this down, Maria. It sounds better than Clyde“.
What does Mrs. Claus ask Santa on 26th of December? Why the hell did you go to your old girlfriend’s house last night?
What is the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at 3 ho's!
Do you know what the difference between regular lights and Christmas lights is? When one of the latter goes out, all the rest go out as well.
What does an internet geek ask for Christmas? TOP100 Alexa ranking, higher revenue from Google AdSense and 100 comments a day on every Facebook post.
Would you please give me a picture of you in nude because I want to hand it in to Santa Claus to explain what do I want for Christmas this year.
What is a similar size like Santa Claus, but weighs less? The shadow of the Santa Claus.
How Christmas may indicate whether there is economy crisis? Look whether there are snowman selling parts of themselves on streets.
What happens when Santa’s butt falls asleep? It starts snoring.
Christmas is the only time in a year, when you can sit around a dead tree and eat chocolate out of socks.
Why do dogs like Christmas time? Because when you bring home a Christmas tree, they get an indoor bathroom.
Red, white, red, white... What‘s that? Santa Claus, rolling downhill...
What do Elfs study in school? Elfabet.
What does a snowman drinks when it gets sick? A pill against fever.
What do snowmen eat for their breakfast? Snowflakes.
Last year I wrote a mail to Santa asking to bring me the sexiest person in the world. On Christmas Day I woke up in a box.
One of the raindeers ask the Santa Claus: why are those two other raindeers – Dasher and Dancer – always taking coffee breaks?
Santa Claus reples: Because they are my star bucks!
What is a similar size like Santa Claus, but weighs less? The shadow of the Santa Claus.
How Christmas may indicate whether there is economy crisis? Look whether there are snowman selling parts of themselves on streets.
What happens when Santa’s butt falls asleep? It starts snoring.
Christmas is the only time in a year, when you can sit around a dead tree and eat chocolate out of socks.
Why do dogs like Christmas time? Because when you bring home a Christmas tree, they get an indoor bathroom.
Red, white, red, white... What‘s that? Santa Claus, rolling downhill...
What do Elfs study in school? Elfabet.
What does a snowman drinks when it gets sick? A pill against fever.
What do snowmen eat for their breakfast? Snowflakes.
Last year I wrote a mail to Santa asking to bring me the sexiest person in the world. On Christmas Day I woke up in a box.
One of the raindeers ask the Santa Claus: why are those two other raindeers – Dasher and Dancer – always taking coffee breaks?
Santa Claus reples: Because they are my star bucks!
Christmas shopping
A judge asks the culprit:
- Please explain me, what are you being prosecuted for?
- I was doing my Christmas shopping too early, - replied the defendant
- But that’s not a crime, - says the judge quite surprised. – How early were you doing your Christmas shopping?
- Before the store opened…
Future profession
A teacher asks the students – who they’d like to be in the futre:
- A driver, - replies Tim.
- A nurse, - says Mary.
- When I grow up, I want to be a fat old man in red, - says the little Johnny.
Christmas wordplay
Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Mary.
- Mary who?
- Mary Christmas
Christmas jokes - questions and answers
Question: What do you call a snowman on skates?
Answer: A snow mobile!
Funny joke about Christmas
Christmas is weird! What other time of the year you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candies out of your socks?
Christmas wordplay
I’m dreaming of the white Christmas. But if white runs out, I’ll drink the red.
A judge asks the culprit:
- Please explain me, what are you being prosecuted for?
- I was doing my Christmas shopping too early, - replied the defendant
- But that’s not a crime, - says the judge quite surprised. – How early were you doing your Christmas shopping?
- Before the store opened…
Future profession
A teacher asks the students – who they’d like to be in the futre:
- A driver, - replies Tim.
- A nurse, - says Mary.
- When I grow up, I want to be a fat old man in red, - says the little Johnny.
Christmas wordplay
Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Mary.
- Mary who?
- Mary Christmas
Christmas jokes - questions and answers
Question: What do you call a snowman on skates?
Answer: A snow mobile!
Funny joke about Christmas
Christmas is weird! What other time of the year you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candies out of your socks?
Christmas wordplay
I’m dreaming of the white Christmas. But if white runs out, I’ll drink the red.
Question: What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
Answer: A pineapple
Questions: Who says “oh oh oh”?
Answer: Santa walking backwards
Question: What do elves learn at elf school?
Answer: The elfabet!
Question: who is never hungry during Christmas time?
Answer: A turkey – he’s always stuffed.
Question: What is the biggest enemy of snowmen?
Answer: Hairdryer.
Answer: A pineapple
Questions: Who says “oh oh oh”?
Answer: Santa walking backwards
Question: What do elves learn at elf school?
Answer: The elfabet!
Question: who is never hungry during Christmas time?
Answer: A turkey – he’s always stuffed.
Question: What is the biggest enemy of snowmen?
Answer: Hairdryer.
Check more funny Christmas jokes on our website and some great funny Christmas sayings on funny sayings webpage.
