FUNNY ADULT JOKES AND ANECDOTES
Funny adult jokes - Names
Why do men name their peni***s?
Because the do not want a stranger to make 95 percent of their decisions.
Get more similar funny jokes in section Funny jokes for adults
Funny adult jokes - Imagination
A lady rebels at a man, who is immodestly staring at her in a bus:
- Mister, you are staring at me as if you were undressing me in your imagination.
- Excuse me, lady, in my imagination I have already dressed you up and had a smoke myself.
Funny adult jokes - Bra
What did the bra say to the hat? you go on a head while i give these two a lift.
Funny adult jokes - First
I act like a gentlemen and I always let the woman go first. So that I could check out her ass.
Funny adult jokes - Sex
A guy and his girlfriend have been dating for three years. With no sex. They decided to marry. Two week before the wedding a guy leads his girlfriend to her home. They go into the stairwell of her apartment building. The guy:
- Darling, please, let's have sex, right here in the stairwell, I can't wait any longer. Only two weeks are left to the wedding, this won't change anything. Please, I want it so much.
- Sorry, no, and I have three reasons:
1. If you have managed to wait for three years, you'll easily deal with two more weeks. 2. If anyone would see us making love in the stairwell, this would ruin everything. 3. I still feel terrible backache after sex in the stairwell.
Funny adult jokes - Flowers
A new husband arrived home with a big bouquet of flowers. His wife met him at the door, saw the flowers and dropped on the floor, spreading her legs in front of him.
"This is for the flowers," she said.
"Don't be silly," he said.
"I'am sure we have a vase somewhere at home".
Funny adult jokes - Blonde in the army
A blonde enlisted in the army, and when she was given her uniform the drill sergeant informed her that although her quaters would be in separate building she would mess with the men.
Only later did she learn that he meant she would eat her meals with them.
Funny adult jokes - The choise
During a blind date, as a man and a woman were filling each other in on their pasts, the man said, "A genie once gave me the option of having a longer penis or better memory".
"And which did you choose?" the woman asked.
A man replied "I don't remember".
Funny adult jokes - Crisis
The economy has become so bad that wifes are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.
Funny adult jokes - No sex
A doctor was advising a couple after he performed minor surgery on the wife. "It will take you seven days to heal, so no sex for a week."
"Did you hear that?" the wife asked her husband.
"Yes," he said. "But he was talking to you."
Funny adult jokes - Three daughters
The mother had three virgin daughters. All three got married almost at the same time and went on a honeymoon. The mother was very worried about the beginning of their sexual life, and asked them to send her at least a few words how it's going.
The first one sent a postcard from Hawaii, just after two days after the wedding. On top of it there was just one word: "Nescafe". Her mother ran into the kitchen, find a coffee "Nescafe" and read on the label: "Blessing" until the last drop". Mother blushed, but was satisfied with her daughter's happiness.
The second daughter sent the postcard from Jamaica a few days later, where she read "Benson n Hedges" cigars. She immediately went to the man's room, where she found his "Benson Hedges" and read "Extra Long cigars. King Size". She again shyly blushed, but was happy for her daughter.
The third daughter went off for the honeymoon to Caribbean. Mother was waiting for
the week – nothing. Week later - nothing again. Only a month later finally got a
postcard, where with the trembling hand was written "British Airways". Mother quickly found a journal and began to look for what she was affraid about, and then she found British Airways advertisement and read: "Three times a day, seven days a week, in both ends!"
Funny adult jokes - Poster
Furious wife to her husband: I will hang a poster over our bed that you are stupid. Whole town will know this.
Funny adult jokes - Playing
A guy lies on bed, reads a book. His girlfriend comes from behind and starts clapping on his ass. Guy:
- What are you doing?
- Playing percussion.
- Would you like to play the flute?
Funny adult jokes - conversation
Conversation in a bus:
- You know, yesterday in a bus your wife told me such a great joke that I almost fell out of the bed.
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