FUNNY DECEMBER JOKES
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31 December 2012
Just in 3 days after the launch of iPhone5 in China, Apple sold there more than 2 million of iPhone5's. So even in China the best gifts are always the ones your kids make. 30 December 2012 Man returns home and screams out loudly: - Honey, pack your things, I've won a million today! Wife comes to the wardrobe and asks: - What kind of clothes should I take with me? Summer or winter? Man: - All of them and get out of here! More similar funny jokes: Adult jokes 29 December 2012 Music teacher tells Peter: - I warn you, if you will not behave, as appropriate, I tell your parents that you have a talent for music. More similar funny jokes: School & student jokes 28 December 2012 Airplane is landing at the airport. Pilots have a conversation: - Look, what a short landing lane they have! - But, you look, how wide it is! More similar funny jokes: Profession jokes 27 December 2012 Alcohol is good for health! Millions of men can not be wrong... More similar funny jokes: Adult jokes 26 December 2012 Two actors-Santa Clauses talk: - Would you come and congratulate my family during this Christmas? - Why can't you do that yourself? - I charge a lot... More funny Christmas jokes 25 December 2012 A Week before the Christmas. Peter wrote a letter to Santa Claus and threw it in the mail box. Postmen got letter and do not know where to send it so opened and read: "Dear Santa Claus, this Christmas I'd love to get a teddy bear, a construction and water-based paints". Postmen were not happy, because there is no Santa Claus and Peter will receive no gift. They decided to gather some money, buy and send Peter gifts, he has asked in his letter. But it happened that they got enought money for teddy and constructor, but not enough for paints. They decided to send Peter incomplete package with only two gifts. The day after Christmas Peter again wrote a letter to Santa and the postmen opened and read: "Dear Santa Claus, thank you for the wonderful teddy bear and constructor! Unfortunately, I did not get water-based paints. Probably the postmen have stolen it". For more similar funny jokes see section: Funny Christmas jokes 24 December 2012 - Here is your Christmas present! - said father giving the guitar to his son. - Thank you! But wait, why it has no strings?! - Not everything at once, my son, learn to play at first and then we'll buy the strings... More funny Christmas jokes and quotes 23 December 2012 There are three men maturation stages: - He believes in Santa Claus. - He does not believe in Santa Claus anymore. - He is a Santa Claus. More funny Christmas jokes and quotes 22 December 2012 Father once bought his children a pack of batteries for Christmas with a note on it "Toys are not included". More funny Christmas jokes and quotes 21 December 2012 Dear Santa, I really enjoyed the Chinese fireworks that you presented me last year. This year I would like to ask you for two fingers. Little Johnny More funny Christmas jokes 20 December 2012 Why is Santa Claus always so cheerful? Because he knows where the bad girls live. More funny Christmas jokes 19 December 2012 Son asks his single mother: - Mom, who is my dad? - Santa Claus - angrily answers mother. - How is it? - Son asks suprised. - He comes at night, leaves a gift and nobody sees him anymore... For more similar funny jokes see section: Funny Christmas jokes 18 December 2012 - What do you prefer: Christmas or sex? - Sex, but Christmas happens more often! For more similar funny jokes see section: Funny Christmas jokes 17 December 2012 Two friends talking: - What's up? - My wife left me for my best friend.. - I thought I was your best friend... - Now he is. For more similar funny jokes please see section: relationship jokes 16 December 2012 International survey about customs officers' salaries. The interviewer asks officers from Ukraine, Belarus and Russia one question: How long would it take you to earn for a BMW? Ukrainian: - Well, I think at least 3 months. Belarusian: - It would take me about 5 months. Russian: - I think for that I would need to work for 5 years... Interviewer asks: - Why so long? - Well, BMW is quite a big company... For more similar funny jokes and quotes see section: profession jokes 15 December 2012 At computer shop the staff is changing laptops prices from 4000$ to 2000$. A man passes through and asks: - Tell me, why they are getting so much cheaper? - Because Christmas sales is over! For more similar funny jokes see section: Funny Christmas jokes and Internet and computer jokes 14 December 2012 Doctor: - Madam, please prepare your husband for the worst! Wife: - Oh God, will he die? Doctor: - No. He will not be allowed to drink any beer! For more similar funny jokes and quotes see sections: profession jokes and medical jokes 13 December 2012 What I dislike about company's Christmas party is looking for a new job next day. For more similar funny jokes see section:Funny Christmas jokes 12 December 2012 Doc to a patient: - Please, bend your knee. - Which way, doc? For more similar funny jokes see sections: profession jokes and medical jokes 11 December 2012 I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store. I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"... For more similar jokes see section: Black humour 10 December 2012 A woman gets into a taxi and asks: - To maternity hospital, please.. After a while she asks the driver: - Do not drive so fast, please, I'm simply working there. 9 December 2012 - Peter, lets go fishing! - Nooo, my wife allowed me to drink at home. For more similar funny jokes see sections: profession jokes and fisherman jokes 8 December 2012 The old woman comes to a gynecologist. He inspects her and says with the surprice: - An old woman, you're pregnant! How did you managed at your age...? Oh, those teens. hey always asks to tell them everything, then show and give to try... 7 December 2012 A star is falling down. Mother-in-law and son-in-law think of their wishes. Son-in-law thought of one quickly and mother-in-law was too late... 6 December 2012 Peterwrote to Santa Claus: "Please send me abrother". Santa Claus answered: "No problem.Send me your mommy". 5 December 2012 - Sex? - Seven to eleven times a week. - No, no... I mean male or female? - No difference, male, female, sometimes camel - Holy cow! - Yes, cow too, but also sheep, all kinds of animals. - But isn't that hostile? - Horse style, doggy style, free style, any style - you name it! - Oh dear! - No, no! Deer run too fast... 4 December 2012 The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, men start unzipping. 3 December 2012 A new Russian decides to visit his home town. But when he drives in the town, the tire of his new Mercedes goes flat. He stops and decides to change it himself. He starts taking the wheel off while notices his friend from the school who became an alcoholic, has no teeth anymore... The guy approaches the new Russian and asks: - Vadim, is that you? - Yes it's me, hi Dmitrij. - What are you doing here? - I'm trying to take the wheel off. Dmitrij takes a stone, throws it to the a window of the car and breaks it. And says: - Good, you take the wheel and I will take care of the radio set... For more similar funny jokes see sections: nation jokes and New Russian jokes 2 December 2012 A chicken comes to a cock and asks: - You're a man, right? - Yes of course! - answers a cock. - But the eggs are at me.. responds a chicken. 1 December 2012 The teacher asks children: - Anyone who thinks he/she is stupid, please stand up. After a while Peter stands up and the teacher asks: - Peter, why did you stand up? - Well, teacher, I felt deeply sorry that you're standing alone... |
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