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FUNNY DECEMBER JOKES


31 December 2012
Just in 3 days after the launch of iPhone5 in China, Apple sold there more than 2  million of iPhone5's. So even in China the best gifts are always the ones your kids make. 
 
30 December 2012
Man returns  home and screams out loudly:
- Honey, pack your things, I've won a  million today!
Wife comes to the wardrobe and asks:
- What kind of clothes  should I take with me? Summer or winter?
Man: 
- All of them and get  out of here!
More similar funny jokes: Adult  jokes
  
29 December 2012
Music teacher tells Peter:
- I warn you, if you will not behave, as appropriate, I  tell your parents that you have a talent for music.
More similar funny jokes: School & student jokes
 
28 December 2012
Airplane is landing at the airport. Pilots have a conversation:
- Look, what a short landing lane they have!
- But, you look, how wide it is!
More similar funny jokes: Profession jokes
 
27 December 2012
Alcohol is good for health! Millions of men can not be wrong...
More similar funny jokes: Adult  jokes
  
26 December 2012
Two actors-Santa Clauses talk:
- Would you come and congratulate my family during this Christmas?
- Why can't you do that yourself?
- I charge a  lot...
More funny Christmas  jokes
  
25 December 2012
A Week before the Christmas. Peter wrote a letter to Santa Claus and threw it in
the mail  box. Postmen got letter and do not know where to send it so opened and  read: "Dear Santa Claus, this Christmas I'd love to get a teddy bear,  a construction and water-based paints".
Postmen were not happy, because  there is no Santa Claus and Peter will receive no gift. They decided to  gather some money, buy and send Peter gifts, he has asked in his letter.  But it happened that they got enought money for teddy and constructor, but  not enough for paints. They decided to send Peter incomplete package with  only two gifts. 
  The day after Christmas Peter again wrote a letter to  Santa and the postmen
opened and read: "Dear Santa Claus, thank you for  the wonderful teddy bear
and constructor! Unfortunately, I did not get  water-based paints. Probably the
postmen have stolen  it".
For more similar funny jokes see  section: Funny Christmas  jokes

24 December 2012
- Here is your Christmas present! - said father giving the guitar to his son.
- Thank  you!
But wait, why it has no strings?!
- Not everything at once, my son,  learn to play at first and then we'll buy the  strings...
More funny Christmas jokes and quotes
 
 23 December 2012
There are three men maturation stages:
- He believes in Santa Claus.
- He does not believe in Santa Claus anymore.
- He is a Santa Claus.
More funny Christmas jokes and quotes

22 December 2012
Father once bought his children a pack of batteries for Christmas with a note on
it  "Toys are not included".
More funny  Christmas jokes and quotes
  
21 December 2012
Dear Santa,
I really enjoyed the Chinese fireworks that you presented me last year. This year I would like to ask you for two fingers.
Little Johnny
More funny  Christmas jokes
 
20 December 2012
Why is Santa Claus always so cheerful?
Because he knows where the bad girls live.
More funny Christmas jokes
  
19 December 2012
Son asks his single mother:
- Mom, who is my dad?
- Santa Claus - angrily answers mother.
- How is it? - Son asks suprised.
- He comes at night, leaves  a gift and nobody sees him anymore...
For more similar funny jokes see section: Funny Christmas  jokes
 
18 December 2012
- What do you prefer: Christmas or sex?
- Sex, but Christmas happens more often!
For more similar funny jokes see section: Funny  Christmas jokes
  
17 December 2012
Two friends talking:
- What's up?
- My wife left me for my best friend..
-  I thought I was your best friend...
- Now he is.
For more similar funny jokes please see section: relationship  jokes
  
16 December 2012
International survey about customs officers' salaries. 
The interviewer asks officers from Ukraine, Belarus and Russia one  question:
How long would it take you to earn for a  BMW?
Ukrainian: - Well, I think at least 3  months.
Belarusian: - It  would take me about 5 months.
Russian: - I think for that I would need to  work for 5 years...
Interviewer asks: - Why so long?
- Well, BMW is  quite a big company...
For more similar funny  jokes and quotes see section: profession jokes
  
15 December 2012
At computer shop the staff is changing laptops prices from 4000$ to 2000$.
A man passes through and asks:
- Tell me, why they are getting so much cheaper?
- Because Christmas sales is over!
For more similar funny jokes see section: Funny Christmas jokes and Internet and computer  jokes
  
14 December 2012
Doctor:
- Madam, please prepare your husband for the worst!
Wife:
- Oh God, will he die?
Doctor:
- No. He will not  be allowed to drink any beer!
For more similar funny  jokes and quotes see sections: profession  jokes and  medical jokes
 
13 December 2012
What I dislike about company's Christmas party is looking for a new job next day.
For more similar funny jokes see section:Funny  Christmas jokes
  
12 December 2012
Doc to a patient:
- Please, bend your knee.
- Which way, doc?
For more similar funny jokes see sections: profession  jokes and medical  jokes

11 December 2012
I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store. I thought  "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...
For more similar jokes see section: Black  humour
 
10 December 2012
A woman gets into a taxi and asks:
- To maternity hospital, please..
After a while she asks the driver:
- Do not drive so fast, please, I'm simply working  there.
 
9 December 2012
-  Peter, lets go fishing!
- Nooo, my wife allowed me to drink at home.
For more similar funny jokes see sections: profession jokes and fisherman jokes

8 December 2012
The old woman comes to a gynecologist. He inspects her and says with the surprice:
- An old woman, you're pregnant! How did you managed at your age...?
Oh, those teens. hey always asks to tell them everything, then show and give to try...

7 December 2012
A star is falling down. Mother-in-law and son-in-law think of their wishes. Son-in-law 
thought of one quickly and mother-in-law was too late...

6 December 2012
Peterwrote to Santa Claus:
"Please send me abrother".
Santa  Claus answered:
"No problem.Send me your mommy".

5 December 2012
- Sex?
- Seven to eleven times a week.
- No, no... I mean male or female?
- No difference, male, female, sometimes camel
- Holy cow!
-  Yes, cow too, but also sheep, all kinds of animals.
- But isn't that  hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, free style, any style - you name it!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer run too fast...

4 December 2012
The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, men start  unzipping.

3 December 2012
A new Russian decides to  visit his home town. But when he drives in the town, the tire of his new  Mercedes goes flat. He stops and decides to change it himself. He starts taking  the wheel off while notices his friend from the school who became an alcoholic,  has no teeth anymore... The guy approaches the new Russian and asks:
- Vadim,  is that you?
- Yes it's me, hi Dmitrij.
- What are you doing here?
-  I'm trying to take the wheel off.
Dmitrij takes a stone, throws it to the a  window of the car and breaks it. And says:
- Good, you take the wheel  and I will take care of the radio set...
For more similar  funny jokes see sections: nation jokes  and New  Russian jokes

2 December 2012

A chicken comes  to a cock and asks:
- You're a  man, right?
- Yes of course! - answers a cock.
- But  the eggs are at me.. responds a chicken.

1 December  2012
The teacher asks children:
- Anyone who thinks he/she is stupid,  please stand up.
After a while Peter stands up and the teacher asks:
-  Peter, why did you stand up?
- Well, teacher, I felt deeply sorry that you're  standing alone...
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