FUNNY JOKES ABOUT WOMEN
Funny jokes about women - @ the psychologist
At the psychologist:
- My wife does not like that I snore...
- So what would you like to get rid of: snoring or your wife?
Funny jokes about women - Birthday
A husband asks his wife:
- Darling, what would you like for your birthday?
- I don’t care as long as it has automatic transmission.
Jokes about women - Hates you?
- Is it true that the family of your love hates you?
- It is true. His wife said she is ready to strangle me with her hands.
Jokes about women-Yawning
A yawning man demonstrates his impoliteness, a yawning woman – her capabilities.
Jokes about women - Thoughts
Husband to wife:
- Darling, I have to confess you that when I’m having sex with you, I sometimes think about other women.
- Oh you bastard. When I have sex with other men, I always think about you!
Jokes about women - Love
- Do you love you wife?
- Of course, she isn’t worse than other ladies…
Jokes about women - Logics
There are two ways to understand the logics of women. Unfortunately, none of them works.
Jokes about women - Fortune-teller
A lady comes to fortune-teller, who can read palms.
- Will anyone marry me?
- But you haven't even looked at my palm.
- I see it from your face...
Funny jokes about women - Secrets
I am now sure that women know how to keep secrets. In groups. With 40 other women.
Funny jokes about women - I'm leaving you
- I’m leaving you... You’re constantly sneering at my overweight...
- But honey, what about our kid?
- What kid?
- So you are not you pregnant?!
Funny jokes about women - Knowing woman
Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?
Answer: a widow.
Funny jokes about women - Eating
75% of women do not eat after 6... shots.
Funny jokes about women - Women's brain
Strange thing about women's brain, there's nothing right in left side, and nothing left on the right side
Funny jokes about women - Three words
I left three notes scattered around the house for my girlfriend. They say "Will", "You" and "Me". That will keep her busy whilst I watch football on TV.
Funny jokes about women - Understanding them
Don't you ever try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other.
Funny jokes about women - Three kinds
Wives can be only one of three kinds:
1. Pretty, but unloyal.
2. Loyal, but ugly.
3. Pretty and loyal, but inflatable.
Funny jokes about women - Talent
I am very talented: I can open the wardrobe, put my clothes inside and close the
doors before they start falling out.
Funny jokes about women - Pretty
I'm too pretty to work!
Funny jokes about women - Normal
I tried being normal once... It was the worst 10 minutes of my entire life.
Funny jokes about women - Talking
If you think I talk too much, let me know. We can talk about it.
Funny jokes about women - Goose and pig
A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says:
- Why did you have to bring a pig in with you?
The lady answers:
- Excuse me, I think this is a goose.
And the bartender says:
- Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.
Funny jokes about women - Gynecologist
The girl went to gynecologist. Undressed, opened her legs. The doctor says: -
Above! The girl picked up the legs above. The doctor says: - Above! Girl picked
up even higher. The doctor already screaming: - Above! Girl: - Well where I can
higher? I can't anymore! Physician - Gynecologist office upstairs! Here is
Funny jokes about women - Luxury
The man tells his friend:
- My wife wants me to take her to
some luxurious place. I think I could take her to petrol station for gasoline...
Funny jokes about women - In bed
Man writes an sms for a woman:
- And how are you in bed?
Receives an answer:
- I am ok ... fit in.
Funny jokes about women - Not afraid
- What are you doing?
- I'm walking.
- But it's dark!
- I'm not afraid.
- Very brave?
- No... Very ugly.
Funny jokes about women - Beggar
Wife: I hate that beggar.
Wife: Yesterday I gave him food and today he gave me a book "How to Cook"!
Funny jokes about women - Wine
A wife and a husband sit in the room and enjoys a bottle of wine. Suddenly the
- I love you.
Husband asks in surprise:
- Is that you or wine talking?
- This is me, I'm talking to wine.
Funny jokes about women - Fridge
Why married women are more fat than single ones? Single women return home, take a look what's inside the fridge and go to bed. Married women return home, take a look who's in bed and turns to fridge.
Funny jokes about women - Four legs
Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From
under the blanket she notices four legs instead of two! She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
-Hi darling, he says, -Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Hope you have said hello to them.
Funny jokes about women - The will
The will of woman is an order, the will of man - a criminal code.
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