A kid asks his father:
- Daddy, why do dogs keep licking their crotch?
- The reason is, my dear son, that dogs cannot make a paw into a fist.
In a sex toys store a guy asks for an inflatable doll. The seller:
- Would you like a regular one, or the one with artificial intellect?
- With artificial intellect, please.
The next day the same guy returns and asks:
- Please change it to a regular one…
- She didn't give it to me.
Prostitute – that’s a profession. A bitch – that’s for the lifetime.
In the tests of vibrators the result “satisfying” is better than “good”.
When I was young there was no difference who we wanted to call in our seances – it all ended up with prostitutes coming.
Question: How do yogis perform an enema?
Answer: They sit down in a puddle and breath in deeply…
A math student fell asleep while thinking about a solution for a sex problem. He woke up with the solution at his hand.
My brother was so mean when I was a child. He used to glue the pages of his porn magazines together so I couldn't look at them.
Monica is at the dentist. Half of her mouth is locked due to anesthesia, the dentist is intensively working. Monica's mobile phone starts ringing. Ignoring it four times, the dentist finally answers the phone pissed:
- What’s up?
- What’s up?, - some man asks.
- Who are you?
- I’m Monica’s husband
- Listen, man, I’m about to finish, she will spit it out and will call you back!!!
Why is the position 69 like driving car in a rush hour traffic? Cause asshole is always in front of you.
What comes after 69?
I knew I was gonna get along with my mother's boyfriend just fine. Cause when we met, I said to him "Hi Mr. Bob, How are you doing?" He said: "Oh you don't have to Mr. Bob me, just call me motherfucker".
WTF? = Where's The Food?
- Lady, how many s*x partners have you had?
- Three.. oh no, wait... nine - I have forgotten one case.
A girl comes to a gynecologist. She undresses and sits down with legs wide
The girl lift her legs up.
The girl lifts her legs even higher.
- Up!!! – shouts doc.
Girl: - Doc, I can’t lift them higher.
Doc: - The office of gynecologist is up on the Second Floro. It‘s the barber shop here.
Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.
Girls are like biscuits - they are tough until they get wet.
North America, few hundred years ago. An Indian is sitting, smokes a pipe.
Breathes in, breathes out. His son comes up to him:
- Daddy, I have a question
- Well, what is it?
- Why do we have such long names? Yankees, for example, have much shorter ones - John, Simon, Nicolas and similar.
- Our names come from nature. When your mother was born, there was a wonderful dew, so that is why she is called Fresh Dew. When your sister was born, there was a brilliant sunset. So that why she got the name Red Sunset. So, do you have any more questions, F***ing Bison?
Three policemen are sitting in a car. Bored, as cards and domino make them sick
already. On thinks of an idea:
- Guys, lets play golf. All we need is a stick, ball and a hole.
- I can arrange a stick, – one says.
- I will get a ball, - adds another.
- Guys, I’m not playing this dirty game, - says the third one.
A guy went to a casino and lost all 10 000$. Swearing for the situation he goes
to a taxi driver and asks:
- I have lost all my money, please give me a ride back home for free.
- F**k off, no money, no ride.
The next day the guys come to casino again and this time he successfully won all the money back and 10 000$ extra. Hi goes out of the casino happily and sees five taxis, and the last car is the one, which refused to give a ride for free yesterday.
He goes to the first taxi and says:
- Will you take me home for 100$?
- But when you take me there you'll have to do the blow-job as well
- F**k off, man..
The guys goes to all next three cars and the story repeats. Finally he goes to the last taxi driver, who refused to help a day ago, and says:
- Will you take me home for 100$?
- Deal, but you have to pass through those other four taxi drivers very, very slowly.
Check what is a joke of the day today!
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