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Black jokes - Nowadays
Only nowadays there appeared a possibility to realize yourselfe: sell your liver, kidneis, skeleton... Black jokes - powder A young girl with a bag is crossing the customs. Customs officers check her bag and find some kind of powder. They ask the girl: - What kind of powder is that? - Heroin - But heroin is matte-white, and this powder is orange. - This is a kids’ heroine – orange taste. Black jokes - A black - How would you call a black, who is piloting a plane? - A pilot, you racist. Black jokes - A disturbing wife Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you? Answer: Shorten the chain. Black jokes - Crossed the road Why did this woman cross the road? Because I was not fast enough to hit her. Black jokes - On the way to video store I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a porno movie when I saw a woman being raped. Saved myself a fiver. Black jokes - Hitler Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill. Black jokes - Step One step forward, 12 floors down. Beautiful lady and homeless man A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off. A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby. The lady notices the man coming and says: - Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me. - Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it – replies the man. - No way, you're disgusting, go away. The homeless man turns and starts walking away. The lady thinks: Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won’t you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going? The homeless man thinks: I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm. Black humour Black humour is like a pair of legs. Not everyone has it. Black humour - Beyonce Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'? - Because black people have no rights... Black humour - Lifting weights Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance. Black humour - Sailors A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: - I can not proceed in this way. And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: - We can not proceed in this way. And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: - We can not proceed in this way. And they dig up the woman. Black humour - Refrigerator What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it. Black humour - Sleeping disorder My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out. Black humour - church The only church which is disseminating light and warmth is the burning church. Black humour - shopping I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store. I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"... Black humour - stop HIV What rule could stop HIV in Africa? Sex after dinner only. Black humour - wife Since it started to rain, my wife can't stop looking through the window. If it will start pouring down, I'm afraid I will have to let her inside. Black humour - fart Gays don't fart - their asses fetch a sigh. Black humour - blacks I love blacks. It's a pitty they are not being traded anymore... Black humour - whites and blacks How do the fairy-tales of the whites and the blacks differ? The stories of whites start: Once upon a time... The stories of blacks start: Yo, man, you won't believe what a f**k has happened to me... Black humour - dirty sisters at monastery In a monastery senior sister announces to other sisters: - I have a good and a bad news for you. The good one is that they have broughts to use a lot of carrots. All the sisters start whistling happily. But one of them asks: - What are the bad news? - Carrots came grated. Black humour - invalid Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs? An invalid. Black humour - murderer The judge asks the murderer: - Why did you kill that old lady? - For money.. - But you got only 20 cents - Yes, but killing five of them would already make a dollar. Black humour - school on fire in U.S. A school in the United States is on fire. One fireman is throwing the kids through the window, while the other one is standing on the ground and catching them. After half of an hour the upper fireman asks: - Hey man, why aren't you catching black kids? - Oh damn, I thought these were the burnt ones. Black humour - zip The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, man starts unzipping. Black humour - Anal sex Anal sex is like your first car - you dont really want it, but your dad gave it to you anyways. Black humour - dating
Daddy to his son: - I don't care if you are dating a black girl - they are all pink on the inside. Black humour - Hitler Why did Hitler committed a suicide? He received the bill from Gazprom. Black humour - breaking Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one. Break their bones - they have 206. Black humour - @kindergarten Santa Claus arrives to a kindergarten and gives each child a present. Everybody received really cool presents – racing car models, ship models and similar. But one kid got only a pair of socks. A kid comes to him and teases him with his received brand new Formula 1 model and laughs at this socks-kid: - Hey, what a shitty present you have received, look at my super car – said the kid offensively. - So what, at least I don’t have cancer… Black humour - a lovely hug Some people just need a hug… Around the neck… with a rope. Black humour - oh those kids And these kids do not deserve a present from me, because they have not been eating well this year, - said Santa Claus, flying over the starving kids in Sudan. Black humour - point of view I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass. Black humour - looking for a woman like your mummy It is genetically pre-recorded in men’s brain to look for a women, which is alike his mother – said Mr. John to the judge at the court, where he was being blamed for raping his sister. Black humour - feed the woodpecker If you want to feed an injured woodpecker, take it by the tail and hit it to the tree. Black humour - the priest I saw the priest watching pornography. Should I get jelous? Johnny, 11 years old. Black humour - ejaculation speed The average speed of ejaculation is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school. Black humour - pregnant I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet. Black humour - A Georgian A Georgian man sits in the dock at the court, with his neck bended down. The judge: - Why did you rape the girl? - I liked her. - Why did you raped the boy? - I liked him - Sir, why don’t you look to my eyes when you talk to me? - I’m afraid I’ll like you… Black humour - peace-sex The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex. But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law. Black humour - the history of condom: - In year 1272 Arabics invented the condom, using a goat’s lower intestine. - In year 1873 the British somewhat reinvented the condom by taking it out of the goat first. Black humour - surprise @ home A man returns home and find his wife with his best friend. He takes out the gun and shoots his friend to death. His wife: - Listen, if you stay in such character, you will lose all your friends. Black humour - Stallone Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead. I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now. Black humour - bottle with genie Black man found a bottle in the desert, opened it and the genie flew out: - Ask for what you want - I'll fulfill three of your wishes! - I want to be white, often see nude woman, and that I will always be full of water! Genie waved his hand and turned the black man to a water closet... Black humour - Earth If the Earth turned 30 times faster, we would get salary every day, but women would bleed to death... Black humour - Steve Jobs Steve Jobs was an amazing man. He will live in my hard drive forever! Black humour - Money Money spoils people, thus folks of Sierra Leone (note: one of the poorest countries in the world) are really good. Black humour - Mariah Carey What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer. |
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About funny black humour jokes
Black humour is the category of humour, which may make you say "phew.." or "ouch". Yes, sometimes it is so black, that it make you feel uncomfortably or even disgust and then you don't know either to laugh or cry. Black humour can also sometimes be insulting. But humour is humour, you cannot change anything about it. It is normally said that in general the only form of humour which is understood and accepted by absolutely most of the people is self-irony.
As expressed in our policy, Funny jokes and quotes (www.funny-jokes-quotes.com) takes no responsibility for the folklore - our goal is to find and publish as many jokes (only the funny ones) as possible, including black humour jokes.
As expressed in our policy, Funny jokes and quotes (www.funny-jokes-quotes.com) takes no responsibility for the folklore - our goal is to find and publish as many jokes (only the funny ones) as possible, including black humour jokes.