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FUNNY JANUARY JOKES


31 January 2013
Sex without condoms is magical... A baby appears and father disappears.
More similar funny jokes: Adult jokes

30 January 2013
Amsterdam is like a Tour de France. Just a lot of people on drugs riding bikes.
More similar funny jokes: Nation  jokes & Sport  jokes

29 January 2013
A sign on a cosmetic surgery  clinics says:
If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you  melons.
More similar funny jokes: Medical  jokes

28 January 2013
Two professors chat:
- I  often experience that ideas come to my mind when I'm already in bed. Does it  happen to you as well?
- Sure, that is why I always take a pen and a  blocknote to my bed.
- And I take my secretary with me to the  bed.
More similar funny jokes: Profession jokes.

27 January 2013
A phone rings in a reanimation room:
- Excuse  me, is John still alive?
- Still not.
More similar funny jokes: Medical  jokes.

26 January 2013
After the first night wife told her husband:
- Bill, now I know why your company is called Micro soft...
More similar funny jokes: brand/trademark jokes.

25 January 2013
My mother in law  is a real treasure! And the treasure must be buried...
More  similar funny jokes: mother-in-law jokes.

24 January 2013
Golden rule in Tabor: who gets up earlier, can dress better.
More similar funny jokes: nation jokes.

23 January 2013
Tallinn has lost electricity. Thousands of people for a few hours temporary were stuck on the escalators.
More  similar funny jokes: nation  jokes.

22 January  2013
Bears do not eat bears.
Tigers do not eat tigers.
Dogs do not eat dogs.
Cats stopped eating kebabs.
More similar funny jokes: animal jokes.

21 January 2013
Man says to his wife:
- I will call you Eve.
  And you know why? Because you are my first woman.
- So I will call you Peugeot, because I do not know whether you're the 205, 206 or  207.
More similar funny jokes: brand/trademark jokes.

20 January 2013

A crocodile has 2 eyes and 80 teeth.
Question:
- What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth?
Answer:
- A full bus of old men.
More similar funny jokes: Absurd jokes
 
19 January 2013
The interesting mathematics. If Christiano Ronaldo broke his leg kicking in Jennifer Lopez ass, then the total amount of insurance would exceed the yearly budget of Lithuania.
More similar funny jokes: brand/trademark  jokes.
 
18 January 2013
If a man speaks his mind in a forest, but no woman hears him, is he still wrong?
More similar funny jokes: Jokes  about men

17 January 2013
- Is it true that 5 minutes of laugh prolongs your life by 5 minutes?
- It depends who you are laughing at – it may as well shorten it...
More similar funny  jokes: daily life  situations
 
16 January 2013
Greek officer complains to her friend:
- When will this economy crisis end? It's been so terrific -  my boss wants us to do as much, as three people would do. Thanks God there are five of us.
More similar funny jokes: Business  jokes.
  
15 January 2013
Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband:
- Honey, I have sad news - my gynecologist told me not have sex for three weeks...
Husband:
- I see. And what did your dentist say?
More similar jokes: Adult jokes
  
14 January 2013
Boss comes up to an employee:
- Yesterday you did a great job - in one day you managed to do as much work, as you did in previous month!
- Thanks boss, that's because Facebook was shut down for the whole day.
More similar funny jokes: Facebook jokes.
  
13 January 2013
The boss invites his employee:
- Do you like warm beer?
- Of  course not.
- And do you like sweaty women?
-  No.
- So you will go on holiday during the winter months.
More similar funny jokes: Business  jokes.
 
12 January 2013
At Court judge and villager discuss:
- You are being accused of producing alcohol surrogate.
- Me? No way!
- But we have found a device for that... and that means you were producing it.
- Then, your honour, please punish me for raping a woman...
- So you have also raped someone?
- Well no... but I have a device for that...
More similar funny jokes: Daily life  situations.

11 January 2013
Student tells the doctor:
- Doctor, please help, I'm poisoning!
- How did it happen?
- We drank vodka at first, then wine, some beer, then I got poisoning from Biscuit...
More similar funny jokes: School & student jokes
 
10 January 2013
During the exam a student takes one ticket - do not know. Takes next - the same.
The third, fourth, fifth... At the end Professor writes him 5.  
Other students not happy about that ask:
- For what?!
- If he is searching, means that knows something!
More similar funny jokes: School & student jokes
  
9 January 2013
What is the most popular fiction book among businessmen?
- Report to State Tax Inspectorate.
More similar funny jokes: Business  jokes.
 
8 January 2013
Sales representative of Samsung computer department tries to persuade an officer of a Russian city municipality to purchase computers:
-  Don't worry, computers will never substitute officers: no company has yet created a machine that would do nothing.
More similar funny jokes: computer and internet jokes, brand/trademark jokes.
 
7 January 2013
Doc to a patient:
- How did this happened?
- My wife kicked me out...
- But it's not worth it to jump out of 2nd floor.
- Doc, you didn't understand me. 
She kicked me out, literally.
More similar funny jokes: Jokes about men.
 
6 January 2013
The first of September, first lesson. Teacher:
- Please sit quietly, if you want to ask something - raise your hand.
Peter immediately raises his hand.
- You want to ask something?
- No. Just checking how the system works.
More similar funny jokes: School & student  jokes
 
5 January 2013
New Russian watches as Arab pollinates the carpet.
- So what, does not start?
More similar funny jokes: New  Russian jokes
  
4 January 2013
A patient to a doctor:
- Doc, I guess I am allergic to leather shoes. Whenever I wake up with my shoes on, I feel terrible headache.
More similar jokes: Adult  jokes
  
3 January 2013
A wolf and a rabbit are traveling by train. The rabbit is lying on the bed below, and 
the wolf - on the one above. Suddenly goes a big bang!!! Rabbit asks:
- What has fallen down?
- My shirt, - replies wolf
- Why so loud than?
- I did not take them off.
More similar funny jokes: animal jokes
 
2 January 2013
A  priest was always telling folks about heaven. 
- Why don't you tell us about hell? - asked one man.
- There's no point - you will see it yourselves.
 
1 January 2013
Closets also had a lot of fun during New Year's Eve celebration - instead of boring 
asses they saw a lot of new faces.
More similar funny jokes: Adult  jokes
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